i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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