He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
