So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
