I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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