Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize