Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
