just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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