I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
