i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
