Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
