i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
