It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
