don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
