Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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