Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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