Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
