I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
