Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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