i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize