Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
