no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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