I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
