If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You made out with two different species that night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
