The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
