They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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