she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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