My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
