I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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