I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
