Its about making memories worth repressing
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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