Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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