More tranny stories later!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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