seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
