That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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