new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
