I cockslap morals
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
