At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
