I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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