i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
