I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
