Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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