Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
