Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
