One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
