My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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