At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
