Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
