Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
