They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
