Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
