I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
