Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You can't special order awesome
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
