; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
