Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
