he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
