My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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