I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
