Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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