Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
