You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
