Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
