I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Come share oat with me in your robe
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
