Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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