I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We have so much sex to catch up on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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