You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
