he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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