ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
