My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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