2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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