If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My bed smells like the plague
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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