Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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