I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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