So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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