yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
